Mood swings: how to handle emotional changes during puberty

Once upon a time you had a carefree little girl who told you (and her teddy) everything. Now that she’s going through puberty, you may notice some changes, so we’ve created an action checklist to help you and your daughter navigate them.

Puberty is a turbulent time for your daughter – and for you. Her moods may change at the drop of a hat, and she’s likely to alternate between wanting to be treated as a grown-up and craving the innocence of childhood. Her changing moods may take her by surprise as much as they do you.

Puberty mood swings are nothing new

According to clinical psychologist and body image author Dr. Joana de Vilhena Novaes, this is all to be expected. “Adolescence is a really unsteady time in which unpredictable physical changes accompany the emotional confusion and identity questions that come with becoming a young adult,” she says.

“She wants to, and is expected to, handle more responsibilities, and yet she can often feel as though she is still a little girl. At the same time, she probably doesn’t want to admit to being fearful of these newfound responsibilities, and her increasing desire for independence can lead her to disagree almost compulsively with anything you may say, simply as a way of claiming differentiation.”

An interest in new activities

You might notice she starts losing interest in activities she previously loved and wants to do different things instead.

“My outgoing daughter has suddenly become shy and stopped wanting to do things she used to love, like her dance lessons. I think it’s because she feels too self-conscious, but I’m not sure if it’s coming from her or from somewhere else,” says mom Jo.

This is perfectly normal, as Dr. Novaes explains. “In the psychological storm of adolescence, taking control (or trying to) of activities that were previously decided for you may feel like a way of stepping up to being an adult and making your own identity stronger. At the same time, it may be a way to control confusing emotional and identity concerns or even impressing a group of friends by showing rebel behavior.”

It can come as a big surprise when your sweet, loving daughter starts having mood swings. Support her through this time of change: be prepared, stay calm, and take stock of what she needs from you to cope with each mood.

To protect privacy, we’ve changed the names of people whose stories we tell on these pages, but the stories are genuine.