Bullying is a horrible fact of life and can affect us at any age. If your child is being bullied, use our action checklist to help them understand why it’s happening and how they can beat it.
Daring to be different – why people bully
When you’re being bullied, the reasons may be incomprehensible. If your son or daughter is a victim, they – and you – are probably wondering why. It's important to remember that a feeling of inadequacy on the part of the perpetrator often causes teasing and bullying.
If your child experiences or witnesses bullying, talk together about the bully's possible motives. Help your son or daughter recognise that everyone's different and diversity is a fantastic thing – but other people don’t always see it that way. Quite often it’s a lack of understanding or insecurity on the part of the bully, which means they pick on someone who they perceive as different to them.
What makes someone become a bully?
Sometimes, bullies are motivated by a deeper reason, like problems at home or they have been bullied themselves or have other issues they are struggling with, so they may be feeling angry or vulnerable.
When Judith helped her daughter Bryony confront her bully, she also uncovered the reason behind the behaviour. "The child told my daughter she had done it because Bryony had two parents and a nice home," says Judith. This doesn’t make it OK for her to bully, but, as Judith recognised, it was "clearly an act of jealousy".
While it's never OK to bully, understanding why people do it can help put the bully’s remarks into perspective. By teaching about bullying, you'll help your child approach bullies with a different mentality, and possibly prevent them from lasting damage.
To protect privacy we’ve changed the names of the people whose stories we tell on these pages, but their stories are genuine.
Follow psychotherapist and body-image expert Dr Susie Orbach's suggestions to give your child a better insight into a bully’s world:
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have accomplished things that I am proud of and that is what gives me my confidence and my beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
You aren’t meant to fade into the background."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Your worth has nothing to do with your weight."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
It was only when I realized that what makes you different and unique also makes you beautiful, that’s when my confidence grew."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
My beauty routine starts with embracing my own natural beauty and its uniqueness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Real beauty to me means challenging yourself to do the things you can’t and showing yourself kindness along the way."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have stopped trying so hard to fit in - my beautiful personality is written all over my face and that’s the only beauty I need."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I learned that beauty is from the heart, it’s all about kindness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I don't often see dark skin in the media, and skin conditions even less so. I want everyone to see that being a Black woman with vitiligo is a source of resilience and pride."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up as a transgender woman, I was pressured to change who I was to fit others' ideas about who a woman should be. Now I'm representing myself and my beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I want to shatter the stereotype that I need breasts to look like a woman. Choosing to live flat after my mastectomy has made be stronger and more confidenand that's truly beautiful."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I've carried three babies in this belly, and earned every grey hair. I want all mothers to see that their bodies are perfect just the way they are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
There's a lot of pressure for women to 'act their age'. I want to show that aging means continually growing and experiencing life beautifully."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Femininity is often depicted as a formula - cut your hair like this, wear that. To me, it's about loving yourself fearlessly for who you are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up, I never saw women wearing hijabs in media & advertising. Now girls can see me, achieving my career goals and defining beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I grew up surrounded by narrow ideas about how a woman should look and what she could be. I’ve overcome those limits and make no apologies for embracing my ambition and my natural beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I'm not worried about fitting into anyone else's ideas of beauty. As a brown-skinned multi-media creator, I want to redefine beauty to include all of us in the melanin pride community."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Women with Alopecia often feel that baldness will hold them back from realizing their full personal and professional potential. Showing the beauty of bald women helps open doors for us to opportunities that others take for granted."