During adolescence, your child might want to avoid ‘sticking out’, but there’s no need for them to pretend they're something they're not. Use our action checklist to help your daughter or son resist peer pressure and enjoy being themselves.
Peer pressure in adolescence
Even as an adult, a situation where you don’t know anyone can be daunting. When young people are thrown into this position, it sparks an internal battle. They desperately want to feel part of the community and ‘fit in’, but at the same time, they're trying to express their individuality and personal style.
“I do think there is peer pressure about looks and clothes at Kirsty’s school,” says mum Gill. “Since puberty and going to secondary school she has become very anxious about how she looks and I think she’s aiming to look ‘just like her friends’."
The tendency for young people to judge on appearance
“Let’s be real: when girls walk into a room, they all check each other out,” says self-esteem coach Dr Tara Cousineau🔗. “At this point in her life your daughter is noticing the different emotional and physical traits of her peers, comparing herself to her friends, starting to judge these as desirable or undesirable. This is compounded by the media, magazines and movies. All of a sudden, the value of a certain type of appearance and personality is amplified.”
Starting at a new school or joining a new team are situations in which these comparisons come to the fore. Young people may begin to experiment with different looks, vocabulary and social behaviour.
These situations can also trigger a massive shift in young people's attitudes towards their bodies and appearance, as they struggle to find their place in their social circles.
What is peer pressure doing to their confidence?
Take heart that these are important situations your child needs to go through to work out who they really, are and what’s important to them. It’s all part of growing up.
However, this can be a particularly vulnerable time for young people's confidence as they figure out their place in the perceived social pecking order. Your son or daughter may be envious of others or find themselves the envy of their peers.
Help your child feel confident about themselves
So what can you do to help your child navigate this tricky territory, value their uniqueness and safeguard their confidence? We’ve put together some practical suggestions in our action checklist. The main thing is to help them understand they shouldn’t let go of all the brilliant things that make them unique just to fit in.
There's a phase when fitting in is the most important thing for a young person. This changes as they mature and develop their own interests, talents and style. Over time, and with your support, they will work out which friends are ‘good’ for them and which aren’t so good.
By helping your son or daughter identify what makes them unique and how they contribute to friendships, you can give them the confidence to be themselves, as well as recognise and appreciate diversity in others.
To protect privacy we’ve changed the names of people whose stories we tell on these pages, but the stories are genuine.
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have accomplished things that I am proud of and that is what gives me my confidence and my beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
You aren’t meant to fade into the background."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Your worth has nothing to do with your weight."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
It was only when I realized that what makes you different and unique also makes you beautiful, that’s when my confidence grew."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
My beauty routine starts with embracing my own natural beauty and its uniqueness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Real beauty to me means challenging yourself to do the things you can’t and showing yourself kindness along the way."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have stopped trying so hard to fit in - my beautiful personality is written all over my face and that’s the only beauty I need."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I learned that beauty is from the heart, it’s all about kindness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I don't often see dark skin in the media, and skin conditions even less so. I want everyone to see that being a Black woman with vitiligo is a source of resilience and pride."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up as a transgender woman, I was pressured to change who I was to fit others' ideas about who a woman should be. Now I'm representing myself and my beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I want to shatter the stereotype that I need breasts to look like a woman. Choosing to live flat after my mastectomy has made be stronger and more confidenand that's truly beautiful."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I've carried three babies in this belly, and earned every grey hair. I want all mothers to see that their bodies are perfect just the way they are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
There's a lot of pressure for women to 'act their age'. I want to show that aging means continually growing and experiencing life beautifully."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Femininity is often depicted as a formula - cut your hair like this, wear that. To me, it's about loving yourself fearlessly for who you are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up, I never saw women wearing hijabs in media & advertising. Now girls can see me, achieving my career goals and defining beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I grew up surrounded by narrow ideas about how a woman should look and what she could be. I’ve overcome those limits and make no apologies for embracing my ambition and my natural beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I'm not worried about fitting into anyone else's ideas of beauty. As a brown-skinned multi-media creator, I want to redefine beauty to include all of us in the melanin pride community."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Women with Alopecia often feel that baldness will hold them back from realizing their full personal and professional potential. Showing the beauty of bald women helps open doors for us to opportunities that others take for granted."