The importance of family relationships and friendships for young people

In this Q&A with Terri Apter, psychologist and author of You Don’t Really Know Me: Why Mothers and Daughters Fight and How Both Can Win, we look at issues within family relationships that can have a big impact on your child's self-esteem.

You may never have been a girl yourself, but that needn’t be a barrier to father daughter bonding. You want your daughter to grow into a self-confident young woman – and she’s going to need her dad on her side.

Life can feel lonely for teenagers. Have you considered writing a message of support to your son or daughter about being a teenager? Sharing your own experiences, words of wisdom and encouragement can help you empathise with them and improve your conversations.

Convincing kids that it's worth devoting time and effort to schoolwork can be a major source of tension. Here, a mother, Jennifer, and her daughters, Emily and Samantha*, give their views on a typical mother-daughter struggle over homework – showing how understanding other people’s points of view in family disputes can reduce anger and upset on all sides.

For young people who often feel the whole world is against them, it’s easy to imagine that includes their own family. Innocent comments or actions from a parent may be misinterpreted as favouritism or disapproval. Feeling a need to compete with brothers and sisters – for affection, attention or just a bit of personal space – can strain even the most loving family relationships. 

Sometimes it can seem that there’s a world of difference between your own experiences growing up and your child’s. But just because you grew up in a less digital age, it doesn’t mean your experiences are completely different. It’s the way situations and discoveries make your child feel, rather than specific details that are important. 

Ever feel like you’re talking to your child in a different language? Then try using our action checklist – it might not teach you to be fluent in ‘teenager’, but it will definitely help you speak a language you can both understand.

Communicating with your child should be easy. But miscommunication is easier. You make a simple comment about what they’re wearing and they storm off, slamming the door. You ask what they had for lunch and they assume it’s an attack about their diet. While you’re just trying to show how much you care about them, their reactions suggest you’re speaking a different language. 

Communicating with teens about the problems they're facing can be difficult – it’s all too easy to say, “You’ll get over it.” But being dismissive can discourage them from expressing their feelings.