When you were growing up, you probably turned to your best friend or your diary when you needed to pour your heart out or share your insecurities – not to a global audience. But these days young girls may upload videos of themselves to public online forums in which they talk to the camera about their appearance and ask the question: ‘Am I pretty or ugly?’ or ‘How pretty am I?’
Why are ‘Am I pretty?’ videos and posts popular?
Search ‘Am I pretty?’ or ‘Am I ugly?’ online and you'll find millions of links to photos and videos of girls aged 9 to 13 asking these questions.
There are various theories as to why this trend has gone viral – boredom, attention-seeking, simple curiosity. However, one common thread is that these girls have often already been teased or bullied about their appearance offline – and have taken to the internet to confirm or negate it.
Cammy Nelson, a media literacy speaker and activist, says: “They’ve placed their self-esteem in the hands of the bigger world that is the internet. Twenty ‘Likes’ on a selfie is worth more than a compliment.”
Girls in their tweens and teens often feel anxious about their growing and changing appearance, especially if they’ve been bullied about it – and social media provides a ready-made platform for feedback. Unfortunately, that feedback can be negative as well as positive.
Who responds to ‘Am I pretty?’ videos?
These girls are inviting verdicts on their appearance and there are thousands of people willing to respond, often anonymously or under an alias. Louise Orwin, a UK performance artist keen to understand this phenomenon, uploaded ‘Am I pretty or ugly?’ videos to YouTube posing as three different teenage girls. She says: “I had assumed that most of my audience would be teenage girls; however, when I researched my commenters, I found that nearly 70% were men over the age of 18.”
Orwin describes receiving more than 4,000 comments – 70% of which were negative. Not only are these comments critical, but many are also cruel and hateful, pointing out specific physical attributes as unsightly. Others are sexual in nature, objectifying and sometimes inviting a response.
Protecting your daughter from the lure of the ‘Am I pretty?’ test
Aside from the threat of predators, research has shown a correlation between appearance-related teasing and body dissatisfaction. Unsurprisingly, an association also exists between negative weight-related comments and eating disorders.
Part of protecting your girl from these risks is being informed.
Staying on top of the latest technology and social media sites can be overwhelming, so talk to your daughter about her social media usage and who she's sharing photos and videos with.
Start a conversation about the ‘Am I pretty?’ test trend. Chances are she's heard of someone who's done it – or perhaps even tried it herself already. Discuss why posting an ‘Am I pretty or ugly?’ video, or seeking feedback about her body from strangers, can be harmful. See below for tips.
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have accomplished things that I am proud of and that is what gives me my confidence and my beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
You aren’t meant to fade into the background."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Your worth has nothing to do with your weight."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
It was only when I realized that what makes you different and unique also makes you beautiful, that’s when my confidence grew."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
My beauty routine starts with embracing my own natural beauty and its uniqueness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Real beauty to me means challenging yourself to do the things you can’t and showing yourself kindness along the way."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have stopped trying so hard to fit in - my beautiful personality is written all over my face and that’s the only beauty I need."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I learned that beauty is from the heart, it’s all about kindness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I don't often see dark skin in the media, and skin conditions even less so. I want everyone to see that being a Black woman with vitiligo is a source of resilience and pride."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up as a transgender woman, I was pressured to change who I was to fit others' ideas about who a woman should be. Now I'm representing myself and my beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I want to shatter the stereotype that I need breasts to look like a woman. Choosing to live flat after my mastectomy has made be stronger and more confidenand that's truly beautiful."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I've carried three babies in this belly, and earned every grey hair. I want all mothers to see that their bodies are perfect just the way they are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
There's a lot of pressure for women to 'act their age'. I want to show that aging means continually growing and experiencing life beautifully."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Femininity is often depicted as a formula - cut your hair like this, wear that. To me, it's about loving yourself fearlessly for who you are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up, I never saw women wearing hijabs in media & advertising. Now girls can see me, achieving my career goals and defining beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I grew up surrounded by narrow ideas about how a woman should look and what she could be. I’ve overcome those limits and make no apologies for embracing my ambition and my natural beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I'm not worried about fitting into anyone else's ideas of beauty. As a brown-skinned multi-media creator, I want to redefine beauty to include all of us in the melanin pride community."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Women with Alopecia often feel that baldness will hold them back from realizing their full personal and professional potential. Showing the beauty of bald women helps open doors for us to opportunities that others take for granted."