Jokes and teasing are common in most close family relationships, but when they hit a nerve they can cause low self-esteem. We’ve put together a common-sense checklist to help you keep the family comedians under control and stop young people feeling picked on.
Casual comments can cause profound problems
Joking and teasing probably aren’t top of your list of family issues. But as your child becomes a teenager they will naturally become more sensitive to comments about the way they look. And family members may not realise the impact of their words.
“Hasn’t so-and-so filled out?”
“Soon you’ll be bigger than your mum!”
“Oh, that puppy fat is so cute.”
“Don’t you think you should start watching what you eat?”
Sound familiar? Even playful teasing from loved ones about appearance can have a deep impact, damaging young people's confidence long term.
Even playful words can be hurtful
“Young people who experience criticism or teasing about their appearance from family members are more likely to try to control their weight and eat in an unhealthy way, be dissatisfied with their body, compare themselves with friends, obsess over their looks, have lower self-esteem and more depression than those who aren’t teased,” says Dr Phillippa Diedrichs of the Centre for Appearance Research.
On the flipside, supportive and warm family dynamics have a positive effect on young people's body image and body satisfaction. So what’s the best way to handle the situation?
Taking action on family banter
Coming up with coping strategies for your child to use when faced with family teasing is the first step. It may be as simple as ignoring unhelpful comments, or something more overt like confronting the person making the remarks to let them know how it feels when they tease.
Carol, mum to 12-year-old Isobel, went for the simple approach when family members began teasing Isobel for being skinny and saying she should eat more. “I assured them that she does eat but that she is the size she is, and teasing her is not going to help,” says Carol. “Then I talked to Isobel, saying that she shouldn’t take those comments to heart. I reassured her that as long as she is happy and healthy that’s all that matters.”
By acknowledging the hurtfulness of appearance-related teasing, actively discouraging it and helping your child develop techniques to deal with it, you will be nurturing and protecting their positive body confidence.
Use our action checklist to get your family to cut out the banter and give your son or daughter the support they need.
To protect privacy we’ve changed the names of people whose stories we tell on these pages, but their stories are genuine.
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have accomplished things that I am proud of and that is what gives me my confidence and my beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
You aren’t meant to fade into the background."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Your worth has nothing to do with your weight."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
It was only when I realized that what makes you different and unique also makes you beautiful, that’s when my confidence grew."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
My beauty routine starts with embracing my own natural beauty and its uniqueness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Real beauty to me means challenging yourself to do the things you can’t and showing yourself kindness along the way."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have stopped trying so hard to fit in - my beautiful personality is written all over my face and that’s the only beauty I need."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I learned that beauty is from the heart, it’s all about kindness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I don't often see dark skin in the media, and skin conditions even less so. I want everyone to see that being a Black woman with vitiligo is a source of resilience and pride."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up as a transgender woman, I was pressured to change who I was to fit others' ideas about who a woman should be. Now I'm representing myself and my beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I want to shatter the stereotype that I need breasts to look like a woman. Choosing to live flat after my mastectomy has made be stronger and more confidenand that's truly beautiful."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I've carried three babies in this belly, and earned every grey hair. I want all mothers to see that their bodies are perfect just the way they are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
There's a lot of pressure for women to 'act their age'. I want to show that aging means continually growing and experiencing life beautifully."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Femininity is often depicted as a formula - cut your hair like this, wear that. To me, it's about loving yourself fearlessly for who you are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up, I never saw women wearing hijabs in media & advertising. Now girls can see me, achieving my career goals and defining beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I grew up surrounded by narrow ideas about how a woman should look and what she could be. I’ve overcome those limits and make no apologies for embracing my ambition and my natural beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I'm not worried about fitting into anyone else's ideas of beauty. As a brown-skinned multi-media creator, I want to redefine beauty to include all of us in the melanin pride community."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Women with Alopecia often feel that baldness will hold them back from realizing their full personal and professional potential. Showing the beauty of bald women helps open doors for us to opportunities that others take for granted."