Social media issues permeate every aspect of a young person’s life these days, whether it’s revealing TMI (Too Much Info) about their boyfriend or girlfriend on Snapchat, having public spats with their BFF (Best Friend Forever) on Twitter or inadvertently inviting gatecrashers by posting party details on Facebook.
But what does social media make your child think about themselves? And how does it make them feel? Like many parents, you might be seeking help and advice in understanding this relatively new force in all our lives.
It’s important to familiarise yourself with how social media works and its influence on your child – so you can support them to use it in a healthy and positive way.
We talked to teenage girls to find out what they love and hate about social networking.
Teenage girls, social media and popularity
“When you post on a social network, you’ve got to try not to get hung up on the ‘Likes’. Of course you notice, but you have to remember that’s not all it’s about. The thing is to really enjoy posting, and to make sure your post reflects you and your world.”
Louise*, 14
How social media can knock teenagers' self-esteem
“You think, ‘I’ll just have a quick look!’ – and you’re there for ages. You look at everyone else’s posts and you think: ‘They’re so pretty. Their life is so cool.’ It can make you think everyone is having a better time than you. It can make you feel not good about yourself, because you think: ‘What’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I having that sort of time?’ And what you have to remember is: people post their best moments. No life is high point after high point. Who posts their fat pictures, or their bad hair days? Yep, that’s right – no-one.”
Hannah*, 15
Social media offers an edited version of reality
“I kept seeing all these cool parties on social media websites, and I was thinking: ‘Wow, they’re just so much fun. Why are all the parties I go to so dull?’ And then I realised: I am AT those parties. They’re dull because they’re full of people just looking at their phones and taking pictures.”
Olivia*, 16
Social media influences young people's sense of self(ies)
“People create a false self, a fake self. They post all these selfies and they’ve Photoshopped them and messed around with them. One day I was doing that, I was Photoshopping an image and, when I’d finished, I hardly recognised myself. I thought: ‘That’s not me.’ I realised that it was ridiculous – I really do want to be me. So it makes a nonsense of it all.”
Shannon*, 14
Problems with social media – don’t feed the trolls
“People say things they would never say to your face. It seems to give them the ‘right’ to be rude and thoughtless, and it’s really gross. When people insult you up there, they don’t have to see how you react – it’s horrible. I realised that if you let that sort of feedback rule your life, you’re letting people who are too weedy to even own up to their feelings affect your whole self-esteem. I thought: ‘No thanks!’”
Madeleine*, 14
Social media can change girls' definition of what’s acceptable
“Certain girls get lots of Likes, and if you’re not that kind of girl, you won’t get the Likes. There’s a very narrow definition of what’s OK. People who don’t fit in have to try very hard: they have to try things like wearing their skirt too high, or unbuttoning their shirt too low, or caking on the make-up or the fake tan. To get positive feedback and extra mentions, most girls sex themselves up. It’s a sad reflection of our age I guess.”
India*, 16
Teenage girls are hardwired to like social media
There's conflicting evidence about the effects of social media on teenage girls. Research indicates it can both help and harm their feelings of self-worth and acceptance.
According to clinical psychologist and mother of two teenage daughters, Dr Tara Cousineau, parents need to understand that young people are wired for socialisation.
What makes social networking so compelling for young people in general, and teenage girls in particular, is a fusion of two features of female adolescence. One is a deep-seated instinct to reach out beyond their family, to broaden their social circle and make new friends. And the other is an innate drive for activities that sharpen and stretch their mind.
“Social media is so compelling at this stage, because it answers both their need for friendship and their need for brain stimulation,” explains Dr Cousineau. “It’s not that girls are trying to be difficult or stubborn over this; it’s that they can’t keep away from it – it’s attention-grabbing, and understanding that is fundamental to helping your daughter.”
Setting your child up for social media success
How do you help your child use social media successfully? You want them to find their true self and not become obsessed with comparing themselves to others or perfecting their profile image. You want them to have a strong sense of self-worth based on their talents, personal qualities and tangible friendships.
There’s no shortcut to self-esteem. It comes from strong relationships and achieving goals – so it’s something your child will build on bit by bit. The best thing you can do to help is model a strong sense of self-worth in your own life (real and virtual). When opportunities arise, talk about true friends and self-respect. If you’re struggling with your own self-esteem, get help – in addressing your issues, you’ll be helping your child too.
Action checklist Limiting the influence of social media
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have accomplished things that I am proud of and that is what gives me my confidence and my beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
You aren’t meant to fade into the background."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Your worth has nothing to do with your weight."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
It was only when I realized that what makes you different and unique also makes you beautiful, that’s when my confidence grew."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
My beauty routine starts with embracing my own natural beauty and its uniqueness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Real beauty to me means challenging yourself to do the things you can’t and showing yourself kindness along the way."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I have stopped trying so hard to fit in - my beautiful personality is written all over my face and that’s the only beauty I need."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I learned that beauty is from the heart, it’s all about kindness."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I don't often see dark skin in the media, and skin conditions even less so. I want everyone to see that being a Black woman with vitiligo is a source of resilience and pride."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up as a transgender woman, I was pressured to change who I was to fit others' ideas about who a woman should be. Now I'm representing myself and my beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I want to shatter the stereotype that I need breasts to look like a woman. Choosing to live flat after my mastectomy has made be stronger and more confidenand that's truly beautiful."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I've carried three babies in this belly, and earned every grey hair. I want all mothers to see that their bodies are perfect just the way they are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
There's a lot of pressure for women to 'act their age'. I want to show that aging means continually growing and experiencing life beautifully."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Femininity is often depicted as a formula - cut your hair like this, wear that. To me, it's about loving yourself fearlessly for who you are."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Growing up, I never saw women wearing hijabs in media & advertising. Now girls can see me, achieving my career goals and defining beauty on my own terms."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I grew up surrounded by narrow ideas about how a woman should look and what she could be. I’ve overcome those limits and make no apologies for embracing my ambition and my natural beauty."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
I'm not worried about fitting into anyone else's ideas of beauty. As a brown-skinned multi-media creator, I want to redefine beauty to include all of us in the melanin pride community."
YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DOVE LOVE
Women with Alopecia often feel that baldness will hold them back from realizing their full personal and professional potential. Showing the beauty of bald women helps open doors for us to opportunities that others take for granted."