Skip to content
dove logo

  • Find something for your skin

    • Glowing Skin
    • Moisturizing
  • Find something for your hair

    • Damaged Hair Repair
    • Dry Hair Treatment
    • Frizzy Hair Products
  • Shower and Bath Care

    Shower and Bath Care

    • Browse all Shower and Bath Care
    • Body Wash
    • Beauty Bar
  • Skin Care

    Skin Care

    • Browse all Skin Care
    • Body Cream
    • Face Wash
    • Moisturiser
    • Body Lotion
    • Gradual Tan
    • Moisturising Solutions
    • Glowing Skin Solutions
  • Antiperspirant Deodorants

    Antiperspirant Deodorants

    • Browse all Antiperspirant Deodorants
    • Aerosol Deodorants
    • Roll-on Deodorants
    • Clinical Deodorants
    • Sweating Solutions
    • 0% Aluminum Deodorant
  • Hair Care

    Hair Care

    • Browse all Hair Care
    • Shampoo
    • Conditioner
    • Dry Shampoo
  • Dove collections

    Dove collections

    • Browse all Dove collections
    • Dove Go Fresh
    • Clinical Deodorants
    • Purely Pampering
    • Browse all Men+Care
  • Men's Washing and Bathing

    Men's Washing and Bathing

    • Browse all Men's Washing and Bathing
    • Men’s Body Wash
  • Men’s deodorant

    Men’s deodorant

    • Browse all Men’s deodorant
    • Men's Aerosol Deodorant
    • Men's Roll-on Deodorant
  • Hair care for men

    Hair care for men

    • Browse all Hair care for men
    • Men's Shampoo
    • Browse all Dove Self-Esteem Project
    • Our mission
  • Parent & mentor resources

    Parent & mentor resources

    • Browse all Parent & mentor resources
    • Family, friends & relationships
    • Teasing & bullying
    • Respecting & looking after yourself
    • Media & celebrities
    • Talking about appearance
    • Teacher resources
    • Youth Leader Resources
    • Browse all Dove Stories
  • Dove Campaigns

    Dove Campaigns

    • Browse all Dove campaigns
    • #DetoxYourFeed
    • Project #ShowUs
    • Help make every girl a #ConfidentGirl
    • Building self-esteem in the social media age
  • Tips and how to

    Tips and how to

    • Browse all Tips and how to
    • Hair care tips and advice
    • Skin care tips and advice
    • Shower and bath care tips & advice
    • Men’s grooming
    • Sweating tips & advice
    • About Dove

  1. Welcome to Dove
  2. The Dove Self-Esteem Project
  3. Parent & mentor resources
  4. Talking about appearance

Body talk: the power of words for a positive body image

7
min read

Age group

  • 8 to 16 years
                
Article date
01/11/2016
Review date
01/11/2016

Talking about our bodies is like an unwritten rule in female friendship – many of us do it constantly and automatically: "I feel fat in these jeans," "I’ve put on so much weight," or "Gosh, my skin looks awful today." Talking about your looks might seem like a way to bond with your child and friends, but it’s worth considering what effect it could have. 

Use our action checklist to stop the ‘fat talk’ and start a new kind of conversation for a positive body image – yours, your friends' and your child's.

Teach your child to talk positively about their body

If you're not guilty of these kinds of put-me-downs, then you're in the minority. A study of female college students, published by the Psychology of Women Quarterly, found that 93% engaged in this type of talk – dubbed ‘fat talk’ – and a third did so regularly. The study found those who complained about their weight more often were likely to have lower satisfaction with their bodies – irrespective of their actual size. 

"Words can have a huge impact on our self-esteem, and constantly talking negatively about our bodies can reinforce the idea that there is only one type of body shape that is beautiful."

When we talk in this way our children pick up on it. It may seem to them that physical appearance is how women judge and value themselves and each another. Is this how we want our children to evaluate themselves?

"Words can have a huge impact on our self-esteem, and constantly talking negatively about our bodies can reinforce the idea that there is only one type of body shape that is beautiful," explains body confidence expert Jess Weiner. "It’s a pattern we have to break if we want our daughters to grow up to be confident about the bodies they’ve got." 

Aren’t you bored of all the body talk?

Body talk doesn’t just refer to body-bashing. Talking about your appearance, even in a positive way, can contribute to low self-esteem by placing undue attention on certain physical features. It’s all about beauty psychology – by telling a friend they look great and following up with "Have you lost weight?",  you’re reinforcing the stereotypical view that skinny equals beautiful.

By discussing your gruelling exercise or diet regime or fluctuating weight, you’re implying that weight is the primary factor in what it means to be fit and healthy.

Less fat talk, more fun talk

Just three minutes of fat talk can lead to women feeling bad about their appearance and increase their body dissatisfaction, according to a study titled Adverse Effects of Social Pressure to be Thin on Young Women: An Experimental Investigation of the Effects of ‘Fat Talk’ in the International Journal of Eating Disorders. Making the effort to cut it out should make you feel better about yourself. In turn, your child will pick up on the more positive language and be less likely to put herself down.

The words we use when talking about our bodies can damage our self-esteem, but they can also improve it. By focusing less on weight and body shape in your conversations, you can break the habit of reinforcing beauty stereotypes.

Action checklist How to fight fat talk and increase self-esteem

Try out Jess Weiner’s action checklist and see how much better you and your child feel about yourselves.

  • Your words have power

    Use your words to show your child there’s more to life than appearances. By making the change yourself, you’ll help them do the same and show them there’s more than one way to be beautiful

  • Take the one-week challenge

    Challenge yourself to a week of no fat talk. It might be hard at first, but if you tell friends and family about it, they can support you and even try it for themselves 

  • Tell your friends you’re bored of body talk

    Next time you meet up with a friend, if they start any fat talk reassure them but also alert them to the negative impact of their words – for example: "I adore you and it hurts me to hear you talk about yourself that way

  • Focus on the fun talk

    Avoid fat talk when discussing diet and exercise, focusing instead on the emotional and health benefits. So, if your friend has started a new fitness regime, perhaps ask them whether they’re feeling stronger or sleeping better 

  • Replace negative with positive

    If you start to fall into the ‘body talk trap’, try turning a negative into a positive. Think of a positive replacement statement for everything negative you might say about your or others' appearance

  • Love your body

    The first step to building self-esteem and positive body confidence is to love and appreciate your body. Use it to feel energised – go for a walk and enjoy the fresh air, do some gardening or take the kids for a bike ride

  • Tackle your harsh words about others

    Stop making criticisms about other people's weight or looks. Not only will your child subconsciously pick up this negative behaviour, they’ll also interpret it to mean that bigger can’t be beautiful

also see

  • 8 to 16 years
  • behaviour change
  • body image
  • female stereotypes
  • looks and appearance
  • parent
  • positive talk
  • psychology
  • role models
  • talking topics

next steps

  • Use the action checklist as a starting point for changing the conversations you have with your child
  • Share our self-esteem boosting activities with your child. They might help them if they’re feeling negative about how they look
  • Steer conversations away from ‘fat talk’ by changing the subject or turning negatives into positives. For instance, instead of "I’m fat," try "I’m curvy"
  • Let your child know you’re going to avoid body talk in future because there are so many more interesting things for you to chat about. Encourage them to do the same with her friends

useful links

  • Adverse effects of social pressure to be thin on young women: An experimental investigation of the effects of “fat talk”

  • Psychology of Women Quarterly

                

related articles

  • Worried about how to guide your daughter through body changes in puberty? Our puberty facts,
  • What's the impact of social media on youth? Find out what teens think about their own social media
  • Explore the portrayal of women in media with your daughter, and together give the stereotypes a
  • Find out more about how to present our Confident Me workshops.
  • Find out how the Dove Self-Esteem Project is helping young people reach their full potential by
  • For young people, building self-esteem and body confidence is a journey. That’s why we created the

Hello beautiful

When it comes to your body, love the one you're with

Beauty is an all-ages show

Every body is beautiful

Be your beautiful self

dove logo
Contact Us
Sitemap
Cookie Notice
Privacy Notice
Terms of use
Disclaimer
Accessibility
facebook
twitter
instagram
youtube
New Zealand
unilever logo

© 2023 Unilever