Skip to content
dove logo

  • Find something for your skin

    • Skin Firming Cream
    • Dry Skin Care
    • Moisturising
    • Moisturising for Dry Skin
  • Find something for your hair

    • Damaged Hair Repair
    • Hair Volume
    • Dry Hair Treatment
    • Frizzy Hair Products
  • Washing and bathing

    Washing and bathing

    • Browse all Washing and bathing
    • Body Wash
    • Bathing Products
    • Beauty Bar
    • Hand Wash
  • Skin Care

    Skin Care

    • Browse all Skin care
    • Body Lotion
    • Hand Creams
    • Body Cream
    • Moisturising Skin Care
  • Antiperspirants & Deodorants

    Antiperspirants & Deodorants

    • Browse all Antiperspirant Deodorants
    • Spray Deodorants
    • Roll-on Deodorants
  • Hair Care

    Hair Care

    • Browse all Hair care
    • Conditioners
    • Shampoos
  • Dove collections

    Dove collections

    • Browse all Dove collections
    • Browse all Advanced Hair Series

      • Oxygen & Moisture
      • Dove Pure Care Dry Oil
    • Browse all DermaSpa

      • Goodness³
      • Uplifted+
      • Summer Revived
    • Go Fresh
    • Purely Pampering
    • Browse all Men+Care
  • Men's cleansing

    Men's cleansing

    • Browse all Men's cleansing
    • Dove Men's Body Wash
    • Body and Face Bars
  • Men's Deodorant

    Men's Deodorant

    • Browse all Men’s deodorant
    • Dove Men's Deodorant
    • Men's Roll-On Deodorants
    • Dove Men+Care Grooming Tips
    • Browse all Dove Stories
  • Dove Campaigns

    Dove Campaigns

    • Browse all Dove Campaigns
    • Project #ShowUs
    • Beauty Portraits
    • Women Get Told
    • #WouldYouSwitch? Be part of the biggest Dove trial ever
    • Building self-esteem in the social media age
  • Tips & how to

    Tips & how to

    • Browse all Tips & how to
    • Hair care tips
    • Washing and bathing tips
    • Dove Men+Care Grooming Tips
    • Skin care tips
    • About Dove
    • Browse all Baby Dove
  • Baby Dove Range

    Baby Dove Range

    • Browse all Baby Dove Range
    • Rich Moisture
    • Sensitive Moisture
  • Baby Bathing

    Baby Bathing

    • Browse all Baby Bathing
    • Baby Soap Bar
    • Baby Dove Body Wash
  • Baby Skin Care

    Baby Skin Care

    • Browse all Baby Skin Care
    • Baby Lotions & Baby Creams
    • Diaper Creams
    • Newborn Skin
  • Baby Hair Care

    Baby Hair Care

    • Browse all Baby Hair Care
    • Baby Shampoo
    • Baby Wipes
  • More From Baby Dove

    More From Baby Dove

    • Browse all More From Baby Dove
    • About Baby Dove
    • Baby Care Tips
  • Dove Self-Esteem Project

    Dove Self-Esteem Project

    • Browse all Dove Self-Esteem Project
    • Our mission
    • Browse all Parent & mentor resources

      • Family, friends & relationships
      • Teasing & bullying
      • Respecting & looking after yourself
      • Media & celebrities
      • Talking about appearance
    • Teacher resources
    • Youth leader resources

  1. Welcome to Dove
  2. Dove Self-Esteem Project
  3. Parent & mentor resources
  4. Talking about appearance

How to build confidence and self-esteem

5
min read
                
Article date
01/11/2016
Review Date
01/11/2016

If you suffer from low confidence and self-esteem, your negativity could have a knock-on effect on your child. Use our action checklist to cut out self-criticism – and give your child’s body confidence a boost, too.

Are you a body-basher?

You may tell your child they're beautiful every day. But if they hear you constantly criticising your own body, they’re likely to judge themselves in a similar way. This could undermine their confidence and self-esteem, and make them worry about their own looks.

"We need to become more aware of the negative comments we make about our own bodies or the way we criticise our own eating patterns, as this insecurity can be picked up by our daughters."

When it comes to beauty, women are their own worst critics. According to The Dove Global Beauty and Confidence Report 2016, only 20 per cent of women in the UK have high body esteem. Mirror, Mirror, a review of research published by the Social Issues Research Centre, reveals that women are much more critical of their appearance than men, and much less likely to admire what they see in the mirror. 

"We need to become more aware of the negative comments we make about our own bodies or the way we criticise our own eating patterns, as this insecurity can be picked up by our daughters," says research health psychologist Dr Phillippa Diedrichs. "Feeling comfortable and valuing your own body might be tricky in today’s culture, but the more positive and caring you can be to yourself and the way you look, the easier it will be for your daughter to develop confidence about her own body."

Don’t teach your child self-criticism

If you're not one of the fortunate one in five who likes their looks, then it's time to consider the impact your body-bashing might be having on your daughter.

"Many women make these kinds of comments without even realising, but they can pass on a subliminal message to our daughters, making them believe it's natural, even encouraged, for a girl to be critical of, and unhappy with, her own body," says Diedrichs.

A recent UK government inquiry, Reflections on Body Image: Report from the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image, found that comments like these are picked up on and mimicked by children. The Adverse Effects of Social Pressure to be Thin on Young Women: An Experimental Investigation of the Effects of "Fat Talk" showed that women only need to hear another woman talking like this for three to five minutes before their own body confidence decreases. 

So what can we do to help our children not pick up this attitude?

How to gain confidence by being kinder to yourself

It's not always easy to show a positive attitude about your body in front of your child – especially if you don’t feel it. But by making an effort to improve your own outward body confidence, you'll help your child feel positive about their body, too.

Once you've ditched the negative comments, get positive. If you like the shape of your hips or how strong you feel after a gym session, say so. If you think your new haircut or dress suits you, or that you're a caring and funny person, remark on it. You may feel self-conscious at first, but the new assured you will work wonders on your self-esteem – and your child’s, too.

Action checklist Self-esteem building activities

  • Be aware of throwaway comments

    Think about how you talk about and critique your body in front of your child. If you often say things like: "Do you think these jeans make me look fat?", "I've got to do something about this muffin-top" or “My hair looks awful at the moment”, it's time to drop the negative comments 

  • Be kind to yourself

    Smile at yourself in the mirror and focus on at least one thing every day that you like about yourself and the way you look

  • Get positive

    Start saying positive things about your body and personality out loud. The more you say it, the more likely you are to believe it

  • Write yourself a message

    Write positive messages about how you look and how you’d like to feel on sticky notes and stick them around your house. Messages like "Hello gorgeous" or "You're perfect just the way you are" are great reminders for both you and your child

also see

  • behaviour change
  • body image
  • female stereotypes
  • health and wellbeing
  • looks and appearance
  • parent
  • positive talk
  • psychology
  • talking topics

next steps

  • Share the Cracking Compliments video with your child – it's a fun way to learn about the power of a compliment
  • Chat with your child. Do they think you criticise yourself a lot? How does it make them feel?
  • Agree a pact that they’ll gently pick you up every time you're unkind to yourself? Maybe if you go a whole week without self-criticising, the two of you can enjoy a shared treat

useful links

  • Mirror Mirror

  • Reflections on Body Image

  • Adverse effects of social pressure to be thin on young women: An experimental investigation of the effects of “fat talk”

                

related articles

  • How a codeword can improve communication with your teen daughter, helping you offer relationship
  • Use our Cracking Compliments video and tips to help your child learn how respond to compliments –
  • Tips and advice on helping your child develop a positive body image & cope with the influence of
  • If you think your child is being affected, use our action checklist for advice on how to support
  • Help your daughter catch the exercise bug by teaching her about the positive health, mood and body
  • Dove is helping parents & teachers support young people to be more body confident, with body image

Hello beautiful

When it comes to your body, love the one you're with

Beauty is an all-ages show

Every body is beautiful

Be your beautiful self

dove logo
Frequently Asked Questions
Contact us
Site map
Cookie notice
Privacy notice
Terms of use
Disclaimer
Accessibility
facebook
twitter
instagram
youtube
South Africa
  • Location

    za Change location
unilever logo

© 2023 Unilever